Speak Now or Forever Hold
by SevenSixteen
Summary: "You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of Emily Fields and Amber Ebert..." Yeah, well, Paige needs to tell Emily she loves her one last time. Unrequited!Paily, hint of badass!Paige, Full fledge Paily Angst with a slight happy ending. 2nd person point of view and rated T, just because of the angst.


**Okay, so I like writing Paily angst. Please don't shoot me. But it has a happy ending, sort of. This is second person point of view. Anyway, It's Emily's wedding and Paige needs to tell Emily she loves her one last time. Please, enjoy and review! I'm eager to know what you think about this. **

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_You are cordially invited to celebrate  
The wedding of  
Emily Fields  
And  
Amber Elise Ebert  
On Saturday afternoon  
June the 7__th__  
At four o'clock  
Forty-Nine Hundred Willow Drive Philadelphia, PA 19123_

You could remember the italicized script against the parchment. The way Emily's name came first and how the envelope it came in was addressed to you, specifically. But most of all, you remembered the way it ripped out your heart. You could remember sobbing against your desk, your body shaking with grief and your tears falling on forgotten documents. You can remember that after the long period of sadness, there was a numbness you didn't expect.

You struggled for a while with the thought of even attending the wedding. You thought your heart wouldn't be able to take it. Because honestly, you believed that no one could love Emily the way you could… the way you do. And that struck your heart with even more anguish because she obviously didn't believe that anymore.

A side of you thought that RSVP-ing would mean that you have given up; that you accepted the fact that Emily considered you an element of her past. But the other side, the other side that knew that with your whole soul you loved Emily unconditionally, reasoned that Emily was happy. And with your feelings aside, you only wanted Emily to be happy. The only problem was that your feelings ran deep; that Emily was the only girl you've ever been in love with , the only girl you've ever thought about. She was the girl you waited an eternity for and the girl you wouldn't mind waiting one more for.

She looked so beautiful in her dress. It was just as she always pictured it: an elegant white with a lacy print; short and backless. It was the one she wanted to wear at your wedding. She was a goddess, you knew, or at least she was endowed with a goddess' grace and beauty and you wanted nothing more than to be the one she met at the end of the aisle.

You couldn't watch them kiss. You couldn't watch Emily throw your love away like it had only been a stepping stone. Amber, Emily's new wife, had been gorgeous, but that had only been the only thing you knew about her. You didn't know if she would treat Emily like the Queen she was; or if she'd be more suitable for Emily than you. You doubted it, and that was something you couldn't help. Because when you looked at Emily, you felt… complete. You felt like the world was stopping and giving you time to just _be_ in each other's presence.

And when she walked down the aisle, her new wife on her arm, both your eyes met. Her smile fell at the sight of you and you just stared. Because you wanted one last good look of Emily before you erased yourself from her life. And she was going to see you. She was going to see this shell she left behind. When her head fell and then rose with a renewed smile, you knew it was over. You knew that your life with Emily –your love – it was all part of the past now.

You gave a thought to not attending the reception. And before you could disappear, Hanna ran into you. She gave you a sad smile and asked if she could ride with you to the reception. And you couldn't dare say no because she looked at you with her insistent tilt of her head and her sad gaze. And then she said something like, "I think it's awesome of you to come today. Em, was worried you wouldn't show," You let it simmer the whole quiet ride over to the reception.

You lost yourself once you both arrived. You didn't want to be stuck with Hanna because, soon, Hanna would be with Emily and you couldn't quite bring yourself to seeing her face to face. You sat stoically when Emily's bride gave a toast to their love. And you looked away when Emily professed her love right back. It wasn't right. None of it.

You didn't see Emily until you were about to leave. She had cornered you on the lonely balcony. You needed a bit of fresh air and she seemed to have appeared from nowhere. And in this moment, with just you and her, she was still as breathtaking as she was all those years ago. Your heart beat with sadness because you couldn't walk up to her and kiss her; you couldn't call her your wife.

"Hi," she offered lamely. And just like that, she'd stolen your heart all over again.

"You should get back to your party," you reply. You didn't even know what you meant to her anymore. You loved her too much to be friends and so pleasant greetings like that flew by. You wished you'd gone for a drink, but that's not what you did. You didn't drown your sorrows in alcohol. You weren't your father. Emily looked down by the period of your sentence. She had that look upon her face: the one where a heaviness sat on her brow and the frown she'd already been sporting had deepened.

"I didn't think you would come," Emily admitted. You gave a slight shaking of your head and looked down. You gave a mirthless chuckle, because you didn't think you would come either.

"I didn't think so too," you admit and by the way she sighs, you know that that isn't what she wanted to hear. "Why did you invite me?" you ask because now you're genuinely curious. Emily had to know that this would be torture. Emily moved closer and settled by the railing, just like you had. She shrugged and looked down at her feet.

"I want us to be friends," she finally answered.

"No," you say, shaking your head. "That's not fair," you tell her, because you can't keep it in anymore. "There's no… moving on for me because you're… _it_," you tell her. "You're it, for me." You made sure to keep your voice low because the last thing you wanted was to attract attention. "You're the only woman I've ever wanted… the only woman I've ever… thought about," you tell her and a part of you can't stand that you're the one that's making her frown like this.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"Sorry doesn't bring you back," you tell her, "It doesn't un-marry you." You can't believe that you aren't crying, but perhaps it's because you're so angry. You're angry because you lost Emily, for good. "When I graduated college, the only thing on my mind was that I could finally be with you, because I told you that I would wait," you start because you can't stop, "And when we got back together, everything was okay again because you had me and I had you, like it was supposed to be." You sigh because you both know how this story goes. "But then you needed space. You told me that you wanted to explore your options because we grew into different people," which was total bullshit, but you don't tell her that. "But I told you that I would wait, and I was so sure that anyone you found; anyone that you decided to be with wouldn't be able to love you the way that I do." You shake your head and then let it fall, "But I didn't count on one thing…" you stop because admitting this out loud – saying it out loud - would change everything.

"Paige-" she tries cutting in, but you raise your hand to get her to stop.

"I didn't count on you feeling the way for Amber the way you felt for me," you finally finish. And you're there, staring at her with tears in your eyes, trying to keep them from falling. But with Emily, your body always betrayed what you were trying to portray. "But I know one thing," you add, wiping at the tears on your face roughly, "She doesn't love you the way that I do; the way I always will."

When Amber slips on to the balcony and slides one arm around Emily's waist, you feel like your heart is breaking all over again. You hear Amber kiss her softly before whispering something in her ear. And then, she's regarding you. "Hey," she greets, "I'm Amber, wife of this lovely lady here," she says, kissing Emily's cheek for a good measure. And if you weren't in love with Emily, it'd be cute.

You take the hand she's offering and give it a firm shake, "And I'm Paige," you greet with a steely gaze, "And I'm in love with your wife," you say, and the look on her face is priceless. It was inappropriate, you know, but you're not obligated to give a fuck for what Amber feels or thinks. "And I'm leaving," you announce. You tip your head to Emily out of respect and tell her, "Lovely wedding."

You're gone, just like that. Away from Emily Ebert-Fields.

You throw yourself into your work. You get your charity off the ground, you turn your family business profits' from red to black and you even get a dog to feel a little less loney. It surprises you, though, when you open your front door to see Emily standing there with tears in her eyes. You haven't seen her for almost a year and a half.

"We're getting a divorce," she announces, falling into your arms. "Because she can't stop cheating and I can't stop thinking about you," she informs and for a moment you're speechless. "I can't stop," she pauses searching for the rest of her sentence, "being in love with you," she tells you and you can't help but search her eyes for the truth. But it's in the way that she holds you: tight and unrelenting.

"Come in," you tell her, pulling her into your house. You both have a lot of things to talk about.


End file.
